How To Work Out What YOU Actually Want

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 For years I tried to please these people,

 

For years I tried to make 'em proud,

 

And for years I suffered,

 

And then things changed. 

 

It was the day after I won a golf competition,

 

And my dad text me saying: Proud of you Matt, love you, Dad xx

 

And the strangest thing happened... 

 

I felt nothing. 

 

Absolutely nothing. 

 

As in the feelings I thought I'd feel (complete, loved, safe, accepted, enough) when dad finally said those words to me,

 

Those feelings, they simply didn't show up. 

Uh oh!

 

Now what do I do? 

 

See, my whole life, and pretty much everything I'd done in it, had been driven by me trying to please and impress others (especially mum and dad) so that I could get all the things I THOUGHT I needed (see: above).

 

And here I was,

 

Getting what I’d been chasing for so long,

 

And feeling no different than before,

 

In fact, 

 

I actually felt a little more empty,

 

A little more lost.

Like how Tyson Fury felt when he won the Boxing World Heavyweight Title. (I highly recommend you watch his interview with Joe Rogan here)

 

Fortunately for me though, 

 

I’ve not only done years of personal development and self-awareness work,

But I’m also in an incredible relationship with someone who can only be described as a Beautiful, Real Life, Fearless and Truly Loving Angel,

 

And one night she asked me: 

 

What do YOU want Matt? 

 

Those words stabbed my like a knife,

 

They took the wind out of me and literally brought me to my knees,

 

I then broke down in tears,

 

Because I'd never ever truly stopped to ask myself that question. 

I’d spent so much of my life trying to please others,

That I forgot to please the one person that has been with me since the day I was born; Me!

 

I believe that inside all of us,

 

There's a little boy/girl who's patiently waiting for us sit quietly with them to ask them this question:

 

What do you want? 

 

I try and give you, the reader, everything I can that I believe will help you in some way,

 

And if there's anything you take from me, ever, please let it be this:

 

To go and sit with your inner child, quietly, for as long as is needed and lovingly ask them:

 

What do YOU want? 

 

That exercise alone has radically transformed me and my life,

 

And now instead of suffering by constantly trying to please and to get from my parents and from the world,

 

I now show up and give, fully, 

 

Because I realised, in that moment of getting that which I thought I needed,

(love and acceptance and approval and all the things most of us try and GET from out there)

 

That I actually I need nothing from them, or from you, or from anyone,

 

And by definition that means,

I am, and already was, enough.

 

AND that I have the ability to give myself what myself needs (that bit made sense in my head)

 

Just like you,

 

You are already enough and you need nothing from no one,

 

Nope, you don't even need love from your parents,

^^I strongly urge you to read those last 2 sentences again and again until they sink in, even meditate on them if you need to because your tiny ego probably will try and tell you otherwise.

 

What you DO need though,

 

Is to give YOU what YOU want/need.

 

I'm a better son now than I've ever been,

I’m also a better Dad, a better Coach, a better Lover, and a better Friend,

All simply because I've stopped trying to get anything from anyone and instead I’m out in the world giving and living. 

To the world,

And also to me,

For me,

And lovingly from me. 

 

Selfish? Yes.

 

Selfless? Totally. 

 

Selfishly selfless, 

Or what I like to call a Win-win life.

 

Works for me and mine :) 

 

Maybe it will work for you and yours too. 

 

What do YOU want? 

 

In your corner,

 

Matt

 

P.s I’ve opened up a few spaces for discovery calls with anyone who’s ready, willing and able to turn their dreams into reality, if you want to book in for one of those calls simply click here now

Matt Smith